Sunday, March 28, 2010
The Mystery of Growth
As I sit in prayer, I realize I do not know how to pray.
As I grow in wisdom, I realize I am not wise.
As I seek God's Face, I realize I have never seen it.
As I learn to love, I realize I have never loved.
As I receive the sacraments, I realize I have never understood.
As I contemplate the Cross, I realize I have never seen His pain.
Who am I to say "I know"? How could I ever truly say that I am "grown in spirit"? The mystery of God is great and wonderful... and I can never insist that I understand. To do so would be expressing my lack of understanding, and to do so would be shutting myself off from ever understanding.
In seeking the Face of God and asking for His guidance, our very ignorance becomes the root of all our knowledge. For who would teach one who feels he has nothing to learn? God fills us only if we ask to be filled... but once we have asked Him to fill us with wisdom and understanding, the Holy Ghost pours into us as if it were a fountain of burning water. We are inebriated and filled with love for Him as we come to greater lengths of understanding.
All our lives we should seek to continue a "period of rapid growth" and never allow our spirits to grow old... For if a spirit grows tired and ceases to seek God, it will find itself shut off from Him and drastically losing its life. God has given us wonderful minds with which we can learn and consider all manner of mysteries... shall we not use these minds to find Him? For this purpose we were created: to know, love, and serve God and be happy with Him for all eternity... is it possible that our intellects are ever meant to leave the rapid stream of seeking and learning that carries us to Him?
If we ask Him to grant us His peace, and make us both satisfied and insatiable in our lack of understanding, we will find wholeness and fulfillment even as we learn. The more intellectually independent we become through our studies and acquired knowledge, the more we must rely on Him to show us things we do not know. He will not disappoint us... if we constantly seek His guidance we will delve further and further into the mystery as long as we live until, in death, we are filled with this mystery.
Dear Jesus, In my ignorance I seek You unceasingly. I do not know how to pray, or how to love, or where I can find You... and as a lost sheep I call to my shepherd to guide me to Himself. Do You not see, my Jesus, that I long to know, love, and serve You perfectly? Do You not see that I long to be filled with this goodness and grace so far beyond my understanding? Do You not see that I seek Your wisdom earnestly, and that I cannot find it? Fill me, dear Jesus, with the chalice of Your love... show Yourself to me, and help me to understand. Give my hands the strength to move in service of You, I beg of You, and put into my heart the capacity to love You. Never let a moment of my life go by in which I do not seek Your face, and allow me to remain small so that I may receive both the blessedness and the sacred suffering of growth as long as I live. Let me always be Your child, my Lord, and guide my feet on the way of peace.