Trust in Him

Friday, April 16, 2010

Breathtaking (Pearl City Story)


The sun in the distance sheds its feast of light on the horizon. This is the first day. The only earth in sight is a sea of grayish white. A far away life has begun. Mountains, hills, and valleys all appear as an unreal fantasy. A new reality is present. The miles and miles of smooth, velvety coating is flecked by brilliant reds and bright sea blue. The colors of the rainbow have changed, and have become more pure. Beneath the mists lies a land so beautiful... a beauty so long clouded and unknown. Green hills, golden fields, and glorious trees pass before the eyes like a dream. A light veil separates what has always been known from what has always been hidden. Yes, it is the first day. A new life has drifted in, a life of higher angelic thought and spiritual enhancement, caressed by a pure white blanket of truth. Each breath taken is as simple and sweet as a bluebird's chirp, and the very aura of life bespeaks contentment and joy. In this quiet world apart, come listen to my story of the ravishing beauties of this mid-heaven...

I felt only emptiness and destitution. My heart had been broken, and I had no will left. I lived in a dream, a day time illusion, and my I felt that my life had no longer any purpose within it. Perhaps it should be understood that it is not the exterior trials that break us, but only the state of interior loss that makes life unbearable. For this reason I will not explain the circumstances of my life at that time... just that my mind was full of doubt and unseen tears flowed from my eyes. Sometimes it is hard to tell what goes on within the soul, in the silence of the heart... but rest assured that what one feels is felt by others as well, for this complex life within us is in the image of He to whom there is no restriction of thought. But listen, it is also in this inner life that we can experience the greatest and most moving wonders. It is in this inner life that feelings take root, and thought develops, and purpose hardens in a firm foundation.

It is when we feel most empty that we are most filled, and therefore I will tell you now of what filled my heart. I will not tell how it happened, for truly I do not know... but I know that his eyes were intensely beautiful, and beckoned to me. His smile was small, delicate, and gentle. I did not resist his gaze, if ever I had before; indeed, I felt that this gaze had always been upon me, I just had not seen it. He whispered "Zion" and raised his arm to a distant land... I will not say into the sky, for how could land be in the sky? It rested as firmly there as the continents rest in their clefts and the waters in their basins. The reality of life changed... but I did not feel that it had changed... I was standing where I stood before, just in a different dimension. Perhaps it is best described as standing in the same spot and being another person, for my perception of life had changed, and all around me there was the same world viewed wholly differently. Even the greens and blues, when viewed by my new eyes, would have been black or gray to me a moment ago.

Circling the glade where I was standing were ringlets of tiny golden dancing children. The sky, dark a moment ago, was now bright and the birds, who had been chanting in a dreary noise, sang a lively song. Indeed, they were glorious birds, and they flew to and fro from ivory nests softened with beds of cloud. I lowered my eyes, in what seemed an eternity of slow motion, to my feet. I was standing on an abyss of clear water... what had been hard dirt now became the deepest purity. My breath revolved within me like a fresh scent... and I realized that before I had unconsciously felt that each breath I took was a heavy poison, and inhaled and expelled it like a fox running for its life over briers and thistles. Now I did not breath out, but relished the air within my lungs. Yes, I had been viewing the world through a dirty lens... and now that lens was clear.

Forms were rising before me from the earth to the skies... I watched, and saw that they were precious, like pearls, and coated in a clear smooth liquid. But no, it was not a liquid that coated them, but a material substance which allowed them to be tangibly felt by all who could not perceive them as I did. I reached out to them, and they rested, one in each of my hands. I studied them, and realized that they were the substance of a petition. Indeed, I realized that God personalized each petition, and that these were alive because they were loved and cared about by He who had only to think of something to bring it to life. I gasped in some astonishment as I realized that what I could not see were the angels which raised them to heaven, and that those angels are only tangibly felt by people through these needs, these petitions to the Father. I could not see them before, but now I saw them... how much more was there that I had not seen?

But how long could one remain stationary in the midst of such life? Before I had thought sleep to be a sort of peace, a release from thought and pain... now I realized that true peace is the freedom to live, and be awake without fear. Yes, I was not afraid... my feet and hands had been tied, and I had been moving against a heavier weight than gravity with every move, but now they were freed, and I could move without effort. I walked and I ran without being held back by the tiresome stretching of muscles which I had not noticed before. There was a humming melody around me, and each footstep seemed the step of a perfect dance.

For a moment I began to see that land in the distance come closer... and I saw there a place of rest, and I saw Him sitting in the midst of His children, smiling upon them. But only for a moment... and then the world was as it was, and I saw it again as I lived. The weight of life, of fear, of all that beset me was on me again, and I began to fall. But he who had been gazing upon me took my arm and held me up. My mind, again filled with thoughts and my eyes again blurred by delusion, were comforted by his touch. I looked around me... the blue and green were as they were, and the sky which contained so much was empty. I breathed again the air, but I did not relish the air within me, only its movement as it passed in and out of my lungs. Ah, my hands were still held out to that place I longed to go... but I was not unhappy, and I brought them down again, as I proceeded with my day... knowing now that there was more to life than what I was, and knowing that if I would give my life for beauty, then I would even more give my life for the one who created it.

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