Trust in Him

Friday, April 30, 2010

The Greatness of God's Goodness (Journal)

In a moment of purest air, the sun rested on the magnificent city of pearl.
Floating in the rays of light were glorious blue angels whose voices were tremors of fluorescent white. Then she could see it clearly… palaces within the city touched with red sun.

(The Pearl City)

My Lord and my God, how can my poor heart understand Your Glory? Even when I sit in the presence of Your Majesty, I am shielded from the immensity of Your Power. Jesus, my Lord, my God, how can I love You? So great was Your love that You came down from heaven so I could come to know You, how can I begin to repay this goodness You have granted me by setting aside Your Power, when I have only my poverty to offer You? That the God of power and might should become incarnate for love of me is enough to strike the angels dumb with awe and cause the saints to prostrate themselves in tears of Adoration. But You did not simply do this, my Lord! You did not stop with this action of love that surpassed even folly and is enough to overwhelm all men with gratitude... no, You did much more.

My Love, You chose to show Your love in a way even more incomprehensible to those unequal to Your goodness. You gave us every drop of Your Blood, You surrendered Yourself utterly into our hands, even Your glory You did not expose, and You allowed us to put You to shame. Oh my God! My tears flow without restraint, because I do not understand. How could You love so much? You have made Yourself vulnerable to our love, and You have dedicated Yourself to redeeming each and every soul as if they, oh my Lord, were of supreme importance! But even this was not the summit of Your love. You did not only, in one complete act of Oblation, redeem us for all time. No, You saw our need... for we are weak and full of sin. You embrace us as Your Children, guide us as your sheep, and love us with the tenderness of a father for his son, and the passion of a man for his bride. My soul cries out: "what love is this!?" I am paralyzed with fear, for the greatness of this is more than the seas and the skies, and what at one time, on the surface, appeared foolish in my eyes... seems to surpass now even foolishness.

I can hardly begin to see how the Lord of all Bliss, the King of perfection, could love this worm so much. And yet, my heart is becoming easy, so entirely have you swooned my imagination that I can not be afraid. You have told me, and shown me, that You love me, and that I am precious to You. My Jesus, You are all I ever shall need. I trust You, and I beg You to accept my humble Adoration! Accept my humble plea, my impoverished wish to give You all. I am Your handmaid Lord, I have given You my heart and You have snatched it away, take pity on my plight, for now I have fallen deeply in love, and cannot rest until I have repaid all the love, stretching out to infinity, which You have given me. Indeed, I look around and see my Beloved in every person, and I breathlessly desire to save each and every one, and bring them with me to Your heart, for I cannot bear to let You be without them. My life is Yours, My Jesus, You have ignited me with the flame of Your heart and filled me with Yourself. No suffering, and no joy, could amount to what You have given me. Neither martyrdom, or long life in service, could nourish my thirst to give back what You have given me. No, I cannot repay You, but You have given me a remedy for this wound. Every small thing, every moment, I offer to You to give You pleasure... and You have promised that You will find infinite pleasure in it, if I do it with a love united to that which You showed for me on the Cross.

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