Trust in Him

Sunday, May 23, 2010

A Good Angel (Journal)

I can remember times when I have helped others, not because I was aware of how helpful I was being,
but because I obeyed the impulses of God.

Dear Jesus,
You ask "do I love you?" and my answer is always yes. You say "tend my sheep" and I am ever willing. No person is not loved by you, likewise there can be no person not loved by me. Whether they be strong and full of hate, or small and meek, I'd love them more than myself, and would give my life to bring them to happiness. Whether they be guilty of the greatest evil, or innocent of any crime, I could never convict them, for such a hard task is left to God alone. Whether they be intelligent, or very dumb, I'd always see them as more than myself. It is because I see you in each of them, and your love for them makes them blessed in my eyes.

My Jesus, make me a good angel to them. Take all that I am, and all that I have, and use me for their benefit. Let my hands move to the impulses of your grace, just as my heart responds to the impulse of your love. Let me speak freely, and with confidence, when you deign to give me a fleeting glimpse of your wisdom. My Lord, do not betray my trust. You see that I speak and act without hesitation when I believe that you have asked something of me, never let my poor judgment and faulty discernment of your voice cause any trouble to others. Use me always to distribute the fruits of your abundance to your children, and allow me to remain the servant of them and you.

So many blessings in life I have received, of which I am unworthy. If it were not for the sake of your divine wisdom which has seen fit to nourish my humble being with this heavenly banquet, I would ask you now to take from me all that you have given, and give it to another. From my childhood I have been given the gift of faith, and openly exposed to the overwhelming strength of your love. You have led the way to a most exalted vocation in the servitude of the cloister, and have given to me limitless support and consolation in all my needs. Never have I suffered, except in loving empathy with the sufferings of others, and you seem to guard me from the greater evils of this world. Ah, I could not bear to accept your goodness if I did not have so complete a trust in your promise that I too may share in your sacrifice. Let me, then, give all good given to me, in me, and proceeding from the work of my hands to you in humble gratitude for the sake of those who I would save by my poverty.

Divine Master, let me be your instrument. Free me from the bonds of reputation and comfort, so that I may at my own expense achieve for others peace and joy. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy. Let my every effort be to console, rather than be consoled. To understand, rather than to be understood. To love, rather than to be loved. (St. Francis) For of myself, I am nothing. Only your love for me, and my love for you and others, makes me something.

If my life should bring more pain and sorrow to the world than good... If my faults should cause others to suffer... If my own comfort should cause others any disturbance... then I freely relinquish all claim to life or comfort or anything good. I freely accept my imperfections, all that may beset me to cause me unhappiness, and the humble admittance of my every fault. I do this in the silent hope that, in doing so, you will give to others what was meant for me, and even more in your mercy. I harbor no ill feeling, not even for the hopeless criminal who firmly denies the merit of my death, for even then there is no loss, but only gain in the chance that has been given him.

Yes Jesus, make me a good angel. Give me the grace to be for you what you would have me be, and to be for others what they need me to be. Give me the grace to do what you would have me do, and to fly to any opportunity to help them find you. I shall cradle the infant in the womb within my heart, so that my caring may be a guardian of his life. I shall feel a motherly compassion for the lonely child in school, so that my tenderness in prayer may bring him consolation. I shall accept the trials and temptations of the wayward teen, so that perhaps the good things that are given to me will be given also to him. I shall face the mystery of the confused seminarian, so that through my prayerful assistance he may see clearly. I shall cry the tears of a fearful mother, so that perhaps she shall receive courage from the merciful God. I shall do penance for the sinner behind bars, so that his way will be open to that love for which we are all destined... Let not a moment of my life be wasted while there is a chance that what I do could bring another closer to the eternal paradise.

I ask you now, oh Almighty Lord, to give me the grace to live for you alone. Give me the gift of discerning your will, and the knowledge of your heavenly hand. Let your wisdom fill my mind, and your desires fill my heart. For in thus letting me be a share of you, I can show my love through faithful labor. I have no intention but to bring you pleasure, and no wish but to love you and bring others to love you.

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